Writings of a deranged man

At last, my torment is at an end. Friends, you cannot imagine what horrors I have seen, what foul creatures I have been forced to serve, and what despicable deeds I have been coerced into doing. Words cannot express the suffering I have been through.

I have been through torture no man should ever undergo! What evil knowledge has been burned into my brain because of it! I have seen things no mortal should have ever seen, know things so terrible that to even posses that knowledge would destroy most minds! Weaker men would have gone insane in the face of such horror! I have felt that even my very soul was in danger during my agonizing torture.

But it is over now. At last I can find peace. At last I can find happiness, however short-lived it may be, for although my torment is finished for the moment, I know that in a couple of months, the horrors will once again threaten my sanity and my soul.

Yes my friends, another semester of my Master’s course is finished.

To minors: The “*” in my title is the letter “n”. Hence, you should read it as a “funked up world/country”. Yes. It is very funky.

 

Hell: A place where sinners go to in the afterlife, there to burn forever in lakes of fire. Damned for all eternity for their crimes against the Most High. Perpetually tormented, with no hope of ever being free of pain until the end of time. Incarcerated perpetually, with pineapples being shoved up their butts daily, according to the film, Little Nicky.

 

Now, while that is rather harsh, I WANT to believe that a Hell exists in the afterlife. See, I am no longer sure of the existence of such a horrendous and evil place, as it’s existence contradicts the existence of a loving God, a God that according to Christian beliefs, is the embodiment of love and mercy.

 

Now, I do not wish to go into any lengthy arguments about that, I just wished to convey my uncertainty of the concept of Hell. You would now then wonder about my hope that Hell is real. Why?

 

Because there is no justice in this world, that’s why. Or at least in the Philippines. Because daily, people suffer while those with power lord it over them, may they be killers, child abusers, rapists, or politicians. Politicians, ladies and gentlemen. Those same bastards who were supposed to serve the common man.

 

What the hell am I talking about? Well, read this: http://vicissitude-decidido.blogspot.com/2008/12/world-is-fucked-up.html

 

Now, too much has been said about this in other BLOGs far more popular than mine, and really, whatever I say will have no impact on the case one way or another, so I’ll just write something more personal.

 

On a side note, the bastard is going to press counter-charges against his victims. Now, what are you going to believe, than an old man and his 13-year old son would attack someone with a lot of fu*king bodyguards, or that some arrogant bastard with lots of fu*king bodyguards would attack an old man and his 13-year old kid? The ridiculousness of it all… And the sad part is, the asshole probably has a chance.

 

This is why I do not want to stay here in this damn country (this, and the fact that the pay is much better abroad): Politicians (and indeed some non-politicians) who have far too much power, too much arrogance, and far too little goddam morality and ethics. Thieves and liars, murderers and rapists, the lot of them.

 

There is far too much abuse of power here in this little country of ours.

 

Now, my dream, my goal, to leave this forsaken place, would be viewed by some as cowardly, an easy way out. They could compare me to a rat deserting a sinking ship. They would be right. However, I’d rather much be a rat deserting a sinking ship, than a captain who goes down with his ship.

 

Or, to my way of thinking, I could be a rat deserting a stinking, rusty, corrupt tugboat, and moving to a cruise ship. And I’m not talking about the country, but rather the government. I see no hope for the government of this country. It will continue to perpetuate its corruption unless the whole government is wiped out and started fresh. And if time proves me wrong, then I would be happy to see that I was.

 

I hate politicians here in the Philippines. If they were on fire, I would not piss on them to put out their fires. Let them burn.

 

Let them all burn.

 

And go screaming down to Hell.

The first semester is almost finished. If things go according to plan, my training should be complete in a couple more semesters. In about a year or so, I would have earned the title of Master in Engineering. I’ll be like a Jedi Master, only in engineering. I should have the title of Engg Master.

 

Like a Jedi Master, I’ll be able to use… the Force. I’d be designing a building, and then suddenly some voice would call out of the ether, “Use the Force, Jay! Use the Force!” Then I’d then call out, “What about the Moment? I’d rather design the bending reinforcement using the Moment.”

 

And then the supernatural voice would answer, “Well, the Moment is the Force times the Distance, right? So you’d still be using the Force.”

 

And then I’d go, “Oh yeah. Right.”

 

Then after I’ve designed something, I’ll have a fight with the dark lord, Darth Boss, on whether I over-designed the structure or not. During the fight there would come a revelation. Darth Boss would say, “Jay… I am your father!!!”

 

“Nooooooooo! You’re my boss!” I’d scream, and he’d say, “No. I am your father!”

 

… You have absolutely no idea of what I’m talking about, do you…? Moving on…

 

“So I need a converter for the serial port to USB, so my computer would be able to hook up with the accelerometer,” I told the head of the finance department, a.k.a. Mom.

 

“Go buy one yourself,” she told me. “It’s better if you buy it because others might make a mistake. There’s a CD-R King in Market Market.”

 

Market Market was a mall near the office, and I haven’t been there for half a year now, ever since Mia moved to Makati. Suddenly, I remembered that one of the biggest book stores I’ve ever seen was next to Market Market.

 

“Alright, I’ll go there,” I replied, and thought, a side trip to Fully Booked would only take a few minutes.

 

After I bought the adaptor, I walked over to Fully Booked. 4 floors of nothing but books (and magazines and CDs/DVDs and figures and stuff). If there ever was a Heaven on Earth, this may well be it. Except that you have to buy the books, and if you have no money, this may well be Hell.

 

As I entered the portal into this most delightful of all places, the euphoric smell of bound paper entered my nostrils, and a high akin to being on drugs hit me. My mouth drooled at the thought of so many books.

 

I immediately went to my favorite section, sci-fi/fantasy. I was searching for one book in particular, by my favorite author, on my favorite character. I wasn’t really hopeful that I’d find a copy of the book, as I’ve inquired at all the other bookstores, and so far, they do not have a copy of it yet.

 

Near the end of my search, lo and behold! the last copy of The Orc King, by R.A. Salvatore was sitting patiently in the shelf, waiting for its rightful owner, me, to arrive. With trembling hands I reached out for it, fearing that it was only a figment of my imagination.

 

The thought was dispelled when at last I touched the tome, and felt the smooth cover.  I opened the book and caressed the individual pages that lay therein. “You are mine. It is destiny,” I said to the book.

 

After my fateful search, I chose two other books that I was interested in. I promised myself that I’ll not go into another bookstore for two months. I’ve spent too much once more, and after I finish the Golden Compass, I have about 5 more books to read, anyway.

 

I didn’t have much money left so I had to use the Credit Card. The PLATINUM Credit Card, which, honestly, is just an extension of my dad’s as I was too lazy to follow up on my own credit card application.

 

As I handed the books to the cashier, she said that if I reached 2000 php single purchase using the city bank credit card, I could have a discount card for free. Intrigued, I asked about the other ways in how to get a discount card. I could pay 700 php to get the card directly. Or I could accumulate 15000 php worth of receipts.

 

What choice did I have?!?

 

I went in search for three more books. And I promised myself I wouldn’t go near a bookstore in a quarter of a year. Which is kinda stupid, since I just got myself a discount card. It’s a lifetime membership though, so I guess I have a lot of time unless I suddenly have a stroke on the end of the 3^rd month, in which case, I just wasted the card.

 

I bought the 3 books, plus another 3. I only had 1200 left due to a good deed which shall remain unnamed so that I’ll get the credit for it in Heaven, so I will still owe dad 800 on the next payroll.

 

But the card had a 10% discount on all subsequent purchases. 10% discount on all books, people! That would save me millions!!!

 

On an unrelated note, on the way back to the office while waiting in line for the jeep, I heard someone say, “Bigyan mo nga ako ng barbarian.” I looked around, curious to see who would buy a barbarian and who the hell was the barbarian. Was it Conan?

 

“Gusto ko yung orange na barbarian,” I heard the woman say again. I saw that she was buying the barbarian from Dunkin’ Donuts, and I lost interest.

 

Oh. Bavarian. 

 

I’m so terrible…

Ummm… hi. I guess I haven’t really written anything recently. Ever since I started going back to school. If you’ve read some of my previous posts, I said I’m excited about going back to school.

In this way I am like a soldier.

Some old, retired veteran soldiers recall past battles as a glorious things, exciting times filled with honor and adventure. They proudly display their battle scars and medals for valorous deeds. They would say that if given the chance, they’d step right back into battle.

It’s only nostalgia that makes them say such things. Those veterans don’t, or refuse to, recall the horrors of war. They conveniently forget the sight of the bullet-riddled, bloody corpses of comrades and enemies alike, or if they do recall, their recollections are sanitized things, without the feelings of terror, of the desperation, during these times. They do not remember the smell of blood mingled with the stink of urine and feces, expelled by the bodies when the muscles of the intestines and the bladders relax in death.

And so it is with me, that I had forgotten the horrors of the University, the stench of study. I had forgotten the terrors of exams and reportings. The evils of problem sets and quizzes. The dark despair brought upon by the fact that you do not understand a whit of what the professor is talking about.

My friends, once more I find myself on the war-torn battlefield that is the University, fighting for my life and my sanity. And once more I am reminded that there is no glory in war, only terror, death and destruction. Once more I am reminded that war has no victors, only survivors.

Anyway…

“The government is a reflection of the people,” I heard Rico Blanco say in the Morning Show in the radio. I do not believe that. The masses may be stupid and ignorant, but they are not the slimy, despicable, evil, hell-bound bastards that many government officials are.

Just a thought.

I’m almost through with the second part of the His Dark Materials series of books, the one with the Golden Compass as the first book, and it left me thinking, what the hell is all the hubbub about the series? Good grief, I want to swear at the narrow-minded people who are against the books and the movie.

To those that don’t know, there are many protesters about the film, saying its anti-Christianity. Sure, the author was an atheist who didn’t like the Catholic church, but his book is fiction. Fantasy even! What the damn hell is the problem then?

The books make for very good reading, and isn’t even friggin’ realistic like the DaVinci Code was. F-I-C-T-I-O-N you damn idiots! Can’t you get it through your thick skulls that fiction means something made up? Or do you morons actually think “fiction” means “real”?

Good grief, you might as rail against Greek mythology books. Yes, I know the Creation story and the concept of original sin and angels and whatever else I haven’t read yet are included in the His Dark Materials books, but that doesn’t mean that its undermining the faith of the readers, or whatever the damn fanatics’ problems are!

I swear, I can’t stand religious zealots!

It’s the same with that priest in church, giving a sermon about the game, “Diablo”. Oh don’t get me started on this! Now, even if you don’t like to play games, pray indulge me a moment, as I need to explain some things.

To those that do not know, the Diablo games are dark fantasy games wherein you play a warrior going against the hordes of demons, led by the Prime Evil, Diablo, Lord of Terror. The games are set in the fantasy world called Sanctuary, a battleground between the angelic forces of the Heavens and the dark evils of Hell. The game is rated M, for mature players, meaning ages 18+, as the game has a very dark tone and lots of violence.

Now this priest, who admitted that his information came from a second hand source, who probably never even played the game either, rails on and on about the game, about how the game is evil, and corrupts the player, how it teaches the player to use demonic powers to combat evil, and so on and so forth.

I am disgusted by his ignorance. I respected that priest, but he was talking about something that he doesn’t have a clue about. Now, if he can go on and on about a topic that he obviously doesn’t understand, what the hell else about his other sermons did he not understand?

Once more, “fantasy” seems to be something that he cannot comprehend.

Oh, speaking of Diablo, there were some teachers who actually burned (burned as in set on fire, not burned as in copied) a CD of the game when they confiscated it from a student.

Yes, they should have confiscated it from an elementary student, seeing as it was rated mature, and not for kids, but BURNED it?!?

What the hell? Were they trying to purify it? Maybe burn “Diablo” while he resides in the CD? Why not immerse the CD in holy water and pray over it then? WHY NOT EXORCISE THE GODDAMN CD WHILE YOU’RE AT IT, OR MAYBE BURN IT ON AN ACTUAL STAKE YOU IGNORANT IDIOTS?!? MAYBE “DIABLO” WILL ACTUALLY COME OUT OF THE CD, EH?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! I can’t stand stupidity, especially religious stupidity!

Oh, oh, and there was this news I saw on a news program that says that some kids were possessed while playing the Magic: The Gathering card game. It was on frickin’ TV for goodness’ sake!

Another piece of info for those that don’t know what Magic is. It’s a card game, with vampires, and demons, zombies, angels, goblins, and whatever the hell else. Ignorant people denounce the game as having demonic influences. Probably why people think those kids were “possessed”.

A friggin’ card game! Not unlike the Pokemon or Yu Gi Oh or whatever the hell collectible card games! A friggin’ card game for goodness’ sake! Possessed by a damn card game!

Maybe they thought “Diablo” leaped from the CD they burned into the cards the kids were playing with, and was possessed by him.

This is ridiculous. Really. Literally ridiculous, meaning something worthy of ridicule.

Jeez, it’s like they’re still living in caves worshipping volcanoes or animals or some such. Ignorant savages. That’s what they are.

I can’t stand it anymore, my blood pressure’s rising due to the stupidity of it all.

Wow, mom has made an exciting discovery, which has a great impact on my life! Mom as discovered that our family name, Landoy, is in fact Norwegian! Landoys come from Norway! We are Norse!

Or in the olden times, Vikings.

Wow… So I am a descendant of a Viking, eh? Must have been a great hero, a legendary warrior, for only one of such can produce a man of my caliber. How many foes has he defeated in combat? Hundreds? Thousands? Or maybe he was a great chieftain, a leader of thousands of mighty Viking warriors, who would descend upon their enemies with the fury of the storm Frank! Yes, that’s it. My ancestor was a powerful warlord, who may even have been a descendant of Thor the Thundergod, strongest of all the Aesir!

But this great chieftain would have fought in the name of justice and mercy, and would not plunder and pillage, as many of his fellow Viking chiefs did. He would have made war on evil and injustice! Maybe challenged the giants, even Surtr himself, who is prophesied to kill the god Odin in Ragnarok, at the end of time!

The battle would have been fierce and would have lasted for days, but only ended in a stalemate, with Surtr vowing to one day destroy my ancestor, or his descendants. Maybe that’s why I’m training in martial arts. So that one day I will face this hideous giant and defeat him with my lightning fast deathblows.

Ah, it all makes sense now. Many of you know that I sweat profusely. Now I know the reason for this seemingly natural ability. It is so that when I fight Surtr, my sweat will quench the fire giant’s flames, leaving him vulnerable to my attacks! Yes! I am the one chosen to continue my ancestor’s fight! Therefore, I must train even harder, for a fire giant is not an easy foe to conquer!

How did this legendary Landoy come to live in the Philippines then? What made him leave his birthplace and come to the Philipines? I think it was that the fight with the fire giant weakened him enough so that his enemies saw the opportunity and banded together and attacked him. Because he was weakened, he could not fight against all his foes at once, thereupon he fled to recuperate in the tropical environment of the Philippines.

Once he got here, he realized that the Philippines is a beautiful country, without a corrupt government. I’m sure he would have fled back to face his enemies rather than live here if he only knew that the government would become revoltingly corrupt one day. I wish he were still alive. Then he’d smite all the deceitful politicians and send their souls screaming to Hell. Or Hel, as they call it in Norse.

Anyway, my ancestor liked the Philippines and stayed. He found a Filipino girl, as the song goes, and settled here. Let his enemies have the frozen lands to the north! He stayed here ‘till he died, and so did his warriors. I think that if one would search the census records, one would find a surprising number of Norse-sounding last names.

I wonder how he died. Most likely in battle, surrounded by the corpses of thousands of his old enemies who wanted to conquer the Philippines for themselves. How touching… He fought for this country against his own people! I am proud to be of his bloodline.

He must be looking down on us from Valhalla, the hall of heroes, and smiling. My noble ancestor, I salute you! Worry not, for I shall fight with honor and justice as you have done! I shall not disgrace the name of Landoy!!!

I feel that I should post something insightful or something relevant to our daily lives today. Something uplifting that would inspire others, or something that others would learn from and maybe improve their lives.

But then that’s not fun, so I’ll just wait for the feeling to pass and then write something else.

Okay, it’s over. Now I feel like writing something stupid and inane, which is, honestly, what I do best. Something mindless and absurd, written by a highly intelligent, although slightly egotistical, not to mention handsome and sexy, dishonest person who thinks he’s funny as hell.

And hell is not funny.

Except maybe when corrupt politicians are being tormented there for all of eternity. Now that’s funny. And uplifting. Hey, I’ve written something relevant to our daily Philippine lives!

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Some say that politicians don’t have souls, but I do hope they have. sO THAT THEY’LL ALL GO SCREAMING DOWN TO HELL THE MOMENT THEY DIE!!!!

Oh yeah, the Philippines has beaten Indonesia for being corrupt. Yahoo. The rich are made richer, and the poor poorer. This sickens me. Yes, I said I’ll write something frivolous, but the mention of politicians blackened my mood. Evil, corrupt, debased, slimy, malignant cancers of our country. Foul, hideous, abominable, repulsive, vile pretenders who are worse than thieves.

One of these days, I’m going to find an honest politician and I’m going to die of shock.

Aaaanyway, let’s change the topic. I said I wanted fun.

Ummm let’s see… My minds a blank… Ummm… Oh! Yeah, my birthday’s coming up. I may have some sort of party at our house. This isn’t set in stone yet, but I’m thinking of having eats at our house, and then for those who wanna drink, we’re gonna go to Tagaytay afterwards.

Why go to Tagaytay just for drinks? Well, it’s a long, sad story filled with heartaches and despair. Actually, no. Suffice to say that my normal drinking buddies, the UPAK, has made enough trouble the last time we were drinking at home that the neighbors complained, some birds went missing*, parking trouble, and vomit everywhere. 

*(They said the birds were there before the party, then they weren’t after, and only heaven knows where they are. I have a mental picture of some drunk person opening the bird cages and yelling, “Fly free birdies!” Or maybe it’s the work of some undercover PETA agent posing as an UPAK member. I gotta check their backgrounds…)

Anyways, anyone who reads this is invited, unless you’re not right in the head enough that you would disrupt the party, or horribly deformed enough that you would disgust other people and make them lose their appetite.

Of course, you have to bring a gift. Ah heck, even if you’re crazy or repulsive, you can come, as long as the gift is expensive enough, and wrapped really, really nicely with a nice Happy Birthday card. Ah, come if you want, I’m just kidding. I’ll just leave it to your conscience if you don’t bring a gift to your dear pal Jay’s birthday.

Oh, and to those who are abroad and reading this, I hope you’ve already sent your birthday gift, because speed mail is expensive. You hear, Joane? Or dead old Auntie Rache? (I mean dear YOUNG Auntie Rache! Yeah, that’s what I meant!) Or my cousins and other relatives from the US?

Heh, thank you all in advance for your gifts. You’re all really very generous. See you (and my gifts) soon!

Been a long time since I last wrote, huh? Well, they say that time is gold, but when you’re a working civil engineer taking 12 units of masters classes, karate training (reduced to a pitiful once-a-week), who is trying to get thin, with a girlfriend, and lots of other hobbies and interests, you’re gonna say that time is NOT gold. It’s more of platinum. Or something much more expensive than that.

How about a rare piece of meteorite that crashed on Earth? I think that’d be expensive enough to compare to time.

So much to do, so little time, as they say.

Hmmm…. Father’s started to play golf a couple of months ago. Hot damn. Golf, one of the most boring sports to watch. I always thought it was a game for rich people. *shrug* I guess dad’s hit the big league… Not that he didn’t earn it, mind you. He’s probably one of the most talented and hardest working people I’ve known, so he deserves to play golf if he likes. So I want a car, Pa. I mean, one that’s really mine and not the family’s. And a house. And a PS3. And if everything’s too expensive, I’ll settle for the PS3.

Anyway, I’ve read recently in a Reader’s Digest about how employers use the net to scan their prospective employees. They type in the name and look for anything mentioning the employee, including friendster and multiply accounts.

And because many people think that their accounts are secure, they post really stupid stuff in the Internet, which the employers found. Like the prospective employee’s picture showing she’s passed out from drunkenness, naked on top of the toilet bowl. Or hate messages, or how they do drugs, or post bad stuff about their previous employers in their BLOGs. Really stupid stuff.

Obviously the employers disqualified them from the positions they were applying for. That’s a really dumb way to not get hired. They could have at least put their accounts on private viewing only.

You may be thinking, how is that different from you (meaning me)? You (meaning me) post stupid and insane BLOGs. Well, I’m different. How? Um… I’m… I dunno… Maybe… I’m inoffensive?

No, really, I’m not writing anything offensive here am I? Well, nothing very offensive at least. I mean, do any of you think that anything I wrote here could get me in trouble with future employers? Well, future employers, anything you find offensive here is a lie. I’m a liar.

And I’m digging myself deeper into trouble.

Seriously, this is all for fun. Which is what the others thought when they posted their nude pictures or their hate messages. But hey, at least my fun isn’t about drugs or something. My fun is the sardonically intelligent type of fun, and would probably endear myself to employers if they have a sense of humor.

Well, what about those without a sense of humor and who believes everything I’ve written so far? Well, that’s easy, I’m going to write something for them.

You know, I’m a highly intelligent person, who is really qualified for whatever job I’m applying for. I have an excellent scholastic record, having been in the best schools that the Philippines has to offer, from the Philippine Science High School to the University of the Philippines. Yes, currently I’m taking my masters degree, which I’m hopefully going to finish in a year and a half if everything goes well. Plus, I’m a very talented individual who learns fast.

I have a good record at work. I have never been reported for a violation of office code. I have never been AWOL, and always followed orders. And I am a nice, friendly guy who would get along with other employees. I could communicate with others well, and I would fit in nicely in most instances. In fact, I am in good terms with the president of the company himself, and I see him as a sort of father figure. Hell, I even think of the accounting department head as a sort of mother, and some of the engineers and architects as uncles and even some of my officemates as cousins. That’s how close I am with my officemates.

I am a peaceful, law-abiding citizen. I have no crime record whatsoever, and the worst violation I’ve ever had was a traffic violation. I have not been in any fights since elementary, though there was this one incident in high school wherein I waved my ball pen menacingly at another person’s general direction when he wasn’t looking.

I have no vices. I do not gamble, I do not smoke, and I do not do drugs. I drink once in a while, but I do not get drunk to the extent that I cannot control my behavior. I do have many hobbies though, and I consider myself a well-rounded person. And not literally, since I’m not fat. Slightly, very slightly overweight, perhaps, but not fat.

There. If any employer reads that and bases my employment entirely on what they found in my account, how could I not get the job? If they believe me.

It’s not fair is it? If you post something really stupid, employers would believe that of you. If you post something like what I wrote, employers would probably not believe you, thinking that you’re lying. Well, to those who know me, I didn’t lie, did I? Except about that pen-waving at high school. And that I’m slightly overweight.

I swear, I’ll hit the next person who tells me how fat I’ve become. Or slap her if she’s a girl. No, not really. But I get the urge to hurt someone.

Hey, I don’t go around telling people how fat they look. Except for my sisters. And my cousins. And aunties. And my UPAK friends. And my girlfriend who’s not really fat but just lacks exercise. And our cat who probably doesn’t understand what I told it.

… Fine. So I deserve being told I’m getting fatter. But not from people I don’t tease. Not from persons I’m not even close to. Do you know how damned annoying it is when someone tells you, “Hey, di kita namukhaan kasi tumaba ka” and then repeats that 9 or 10 times during the damn conversation? How many persons have done that?!?

FAT YOU, people! I’m going to be thin.

For your damned information, I’m going back to my macho sexy self in a few months! I’m going to make you people envious of my oozing sexiness. I’m going to be thin!

Fine, you don’t believe me?!? You say I’ve written this about a billion times already, about how I’m going to get thin and failed?!? Well, FAT YOU! This time is going to be different! This time, I’m really serious!

I’m going to buy me a damned scale later. Yeah, that’s it. I’m gonna measure my weight every damn day to measure my progress towards thin-ness. I’m going to buy diet supplements from my friend who eats a damned LOT but is thin! Last time we ate together, there were 9 of us in the table, and he ate more than the rest combined! Nah, maybe half of what the rest ate combined. But that’s still a lot, considering there were 2 heavyweights included in the table, me being one of them.

Damn it, this world is cruel and unjust. How in hell can he eat like that, have no exercise, and still maintain his frame that only grew slightly since we were in high school?!? I was like him in high school, always eating but never really growing big… Now I’m about 30 pounds heavier than I was in high school and watching what I’m eating, and exercising, and he still eats like he did while still being thinner than I am.

I also have a friend who has problems about being underweight for her height. But she eats more than I do. She said she eats about 5 times a day, and doesn’t exercise, and she’s still underweight! She could even eat half of a whole cake after a heavy meal!

And there are even more people who are like that!

I have a theory: that some malignant force made these people exist specifically to torment those like me who try to go on diets and exercise to achieve what these guys inherently have. I mean, here you are on a tortuous, arduous journey towards thinness and there these people are, tormenting you with their eating habits and their non-heavy body structure! Surely nature could not craft such malevolent creatures by itself!

Well, whatever power produced such creatures has succeeded. I am a tormented man, filled with longing and envy at these strange, unnatural creatures with high metabolisms and large appetites.

However, I will not be defeated so easily! Instead of feeling powerless at their abilities, I am now even more eager to match them, and become thin! My fighting spirit is indomitable, and my will is invincible! I WILL BECOME THIN!!!!

Torment me now, ye vile creatures, but in the end, I shall be the one laughing! They say that evil feeds upon itself, and while that saying has no relation whatsoever to this topic, I mention it because it has the words “evil” and “feed”, meaning evil feeds, and therefore eats a lot. They also say that the dark side of the force is a quicker path to power, but only through the light can you learn discipline and avoid self-destruction.

Therefore, behold, mine tormentors! ‘Tis a known fact that metabolism slows as thou growest older! Thine eating habits will one day overcome thine metabolism and ye shall grow fat and out of shape, while I shall be macho and healthy! FAT YOU!

Then we shall see who shall have the last laugh! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! FAT YOU!!!

Buying a PSP was a really good idea, in my not-so-humble-but-is-actually-rather-a-bit-arrogant opinion. Music, video, pictures, games, all in one portable device.

Now I don’t get bored while slogging through traffic (if I’m not the one driving that is), since I could always just pull it out of my pouch and play or watch movies. An alternative to reading, I guess. Yup, the PSP is one of the greatest inventions of man, alongside the wheel and the printing press.

Anyway, June’s just around the corner now. School. Once, that very word struck me with terror, along with other words such as homework, classes, tests, and diet. Now, I’m looking forward to it.

I’m really going to make good on this one now. I have to, now that I actually have a goal, instead of wandering aimlessly through life like I did before.

I admit I didn’t have a goal that I really wanted before, except for the board exam. I didn’t actually care very much about the future, and I didn’t give my all on anything except on a certain person who chose to throw it all away for stupid religious (indecipherable muttering) [Yes, I AM a nice person (or so I would have you believe) but I can hold a grudge for my lifetime.]

Aaaanyway, I had no driving motivation to make good, and I had thought life was okay. Not really the best, but then, it was good enough for me. Now I want something more.

I want to MIGRATE.

Life here in the Philippines is not for me, nor is it a country I would like my family to live in. And if you ask why, you’re either as ignorant as I was, or you don’t live here.

To you ignorant people, I ask you, how much is the average income of a college graduate here? Around 20 to 30 K if you’re in a good company right? Now, if you have a family, you will not be able to support them well. You won’t be able to buy them what they want, as that is just enough to live on. And don’t tell me that people earning 10 K can support their family, as you cannot even send your kids to a good high school on your salary!

As dear mummy and dear pappy constantly tells me, the only way one could live comfortable here in the Philippines is if you own a company. Or you’re a damned politician whose blackened soul will have an express ride into the fiery pits of hell the very second he/she stops breathing, and whose soul will be tortured for all eternity by tailed, red-skinned, cloven-hoofed, horned creatures with pitchforks.

Ah, the thought of all those bastards screaming in everlasting torment warms the cockles of my heart. And I don’t even know what a cockle is.

Anyway, don’t point out that my father owns a company, as I’ll figuratively rip your offending figurative finger off your figurative hand. Am I my father? No, so shut the hell up. I will not rely on the company for my future.

In other countries, US for example (yes, I know many heard of this already), even just having a minimum wage job could support you, could feed you 3 times every damn day. Having a good job will get you anything you could ever wish for. Or at least I could ever wish for since I don’t really want anything other than a nice house, a nice car for me (and for whoever needs one), and whatever else that I need. I mean, I don’t need a helicopter or anything. I need books though. I’m going to build me a library. And I need a PS3. And a PS4. And a PS5. And so on.

And what I want is the time to enjoy it all. Here, you have to work really hard just to earn a good living. I mean, really hard like 6-days-a-week hard. I cannot work 6 damn days a week every damn week for the rest of my life. I mean, I COULD if given no option, but hell, why should I if there are other options? Who in his right mind would willingly work 6 friggin’ days a week?

Not I, said the Julius.

It’s not that I’m lazy, (Not anymore, I hope) it’s just that I don’t want my life to be all work, you know. I’m not my father. I want to have some free time to do the things I want to do, and I have a LOT of damn things I want to do.

And besides, all work and no play makes Julius an irritable-bastard-who-won’t-go-out-with-friends-or-go-exercise-because-he’s-tired-and-wants-to-stay-at-home-and-read-or-play-videogames.

Anyway, I’ve gone on a bit too long now. Back to school for me then!

2 weeks of speaking English has left me slightly dizzy and nauseous. Nah, not really. It’s just that I’m not used to speaking in English. That’s right. However eloquent I may (read? sound?) in this BLOG, I’m not really all that proficient in the oral use of the English language.

Understand, I don’t really speak it badly, nor do I make any excessive grammatical errors. My accent is good enough, better even than some who have lived here for years.

The problem is that I’m more used to writing in English than in speaking. Therefore, I’m not spontaneous. I mean, when I write, I have all the time I need to think about what I have to say, what word to use. When I speak, I often pause just to think of the right words.

I’ve gotten really better now, though. Not as good as I want (which is perfectly), because I still pause now and then.

A couple of nights ago, my cousin brought me and my brother, along with his friends, to different bars. My cousin’s friends were mostly from the Philippines and understood tagalog, but the rest didn’t so  had to speak in English to avoid being rude.

As time passed and I got more and more inebriated, I found I got better at speaking English. My pauses were gone! So I guess alcohol helps me speak English better.

Now, one of these days, I’m going to take the Test Of English as a Foreign Language (TOEFL). Maybe I should drink a couple of bottles first before I take the test,eh?